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She even remained quiet as I rolled through the drive-thru. The most I've ever left her in her crib to cry is a couple of minutes. I managed to soothe her with the bottle of breast milk I'd brought.

I'd feed her, walk the floor singing lullabies for hours and she wouldn't sleep.

Despite the hot flashes there are advantages to breastfeeding (aside from the obvious -- a bonding experience with the baby as well as nutritious, free milk that saves me from buying formula). Life is a journey of discovery and you're never done.

I haven't had a period and I hear that they may not return until I start to wean the baby. These days with my hot flashes, living under the blazing sun might kill me.

At work they had it so cold I had to have a space heater going under my desk so I didn't turn blue. When I'm carrying Michelle around I figure that it makes sense for me to feel warm. Whenever I complained about the cold she'd say "One day you'll go into menopause and have hot flashes and you'll understand! " Seeing me sweating at my sister's house, taking my sweater off and saying "It's an oven in here! Of course my sister keeps her house at a normal, cozy temperature. I guess that's why they say if you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen. They're all in long sleeved tops and acting normal.

In the summer when I'd go somewhere air-conditioned, I'd freeze. I try to wear mostly low-cut crisscross tops that are easy to pull down for breastfeeding anyway. One woman even had gloves on and I'm perspiring in a light sweater with the sleeves rolled up! I wanted to take off my sweater and just wear the tank top. In the summer, she has the air conditioning blasting. The light streams in the patio doors of her kitchen and it's like being on the surface of the sun!

The doctor suggested my recent heat wave could be because of the hormones associated with breastfeeding and also from breastfeeding itself. It can be embarassing sometimes when I'm out though and everyone else just looks comfortable and I'm burning up, my pits drenched, my forehead shining.(Incidentally she was screaming in the car because she needed to be changed but I didn't know that at the time and couldn't have changed her while driving on the highway anyway! She's gained another pound and even grew 2 inches in the past month! Sometimes I will ask her about health problems I'm having but she never seems concerned. Partly because I'm terrified of it and partly because it's very hard to find the time or the space now with Michelle in the picture. I thought she'd gotten taller/longer because now when she's on the change table she can reach the container of baby wipes at the foot of the table and kick it. I remember I used to sweat buckets doing the exercises so it may actually kill me now! I don't think a day goes by that she doesn't say something to worry and/or offend me. When she calls I put her on speaker phone because it's easier than trying to hold the phone. The other day I gave Michelle the phone and she was smiling and laughing at Grandma. Even to the point where I started ordering my groceries online. I read that some babies that are very alert and sensitive have a hard time settling down because they're so overstimulated, their minds don't stop going. I don't know about her mind but her arms and legs never stop going. Even when she starts to get sleepy (she's rubbing her eyes, her eyes look drowsy, her head is bobbing) she fights it. For a while there I was trying to do Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred. Though the workout was difficult I forced myself to do it because I want to get back in shape. She started waking up sooner and sooner until I couldn't even do 5 minutes of the workout. Someone suggested to me that maybe my working out was actually affecting her somehow but it doesn't seem like that was it because even since I stopped exercising her staying up into the wee hours continued. I spend all of my time and energy caring for her and don't have a minute to take care of myself. I know she doesn't mean to do it but sometimes it feels like she's trying to drive me mad! These must be the best days of your life." She said and smiled sweetly. If you've been following my blog then you know that between the weather, the lack of funds and the fear of Michelle having a Stage Three Meltdown in public, I have been avoiding going out as much as possible. Or she was just wide awake and wanting to play and I was too exhausted to function. It is very difficult for me because it means I get no break. Sometimes it's overwhelming and when I'm sleep deprived and in pain, it's sheer torture.

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